Commitment
We simultaneously enter into a duty of commitment as we enter into a marriage with someone. We spell the terms of such commitment when we repeat the wedding vows after the officiating minister at the ceremony. Under these vows, we promise to love and remain with our partner, for the “better or for worst”. The significance of these beautiful vows has almost lost its place in marriages today as many couples say the vows in the excitement of the event without prior consideration of the import of the words.
We can show our commitment to our partner in many ways, and there are many areas in a life together where commitment can be displayed. One major area where commitment from the other spouse is of great importance is that of a spouse’s vocation. It is necessary that we do not neglect to be concerned with the work and things our spouse does outside the home so that these burdens can be shared mutually between the husband and the wife. In a society like ours, people easily spend about eight hours at work each working day – that makes up one-third of an entire day! To be ignorant of what your spouse does for a good third of the day reflects badly on the depth of your interest and concern for his/her life. Yet, several marriages have gone on for several years now with the couples hardly having any idea of what each other is doing at work! This is most detrimental to the wives, especially, for most men are very much absorbed in their careers and many of them even find identity in their careers. So, if the wife does not take the time to be part of his life there, then the husband will be as good as single for a considerable part of his life. On the other hand, if she would show concern and interest in what her husband is doing and share the joy and sorrow of his work, it will indeed be much appreciated as great comfort and encouragement to the man. It helps if wives remind themselves that God created woman to be a helper to the man and not only to be his companion (Gen.2:20).
It takes more for two persons to grow closer with time than it takes for them to drift apart over time. For a beautiful and fruitful marriage, contribution of effort and diligence from both parties cannot be lacking. One way of showing love to our spouse is to be able to share their joy and bear their burden with them.
As society progresses with times, people are becoming more independent of one another and even women these days are more capable of fending for themselves than women of yesteryears. As modern woman become more established in their careers, they are also becoming more independent of men. They naturally tend to not submit to men as readily as the earlier women used to. Without intending it, they lose the commitment to submit to their husbands and to being a helper to them. Men, seeing that their wives are so capable, instead of correcting the situation and restoring their role in the women’s lives, usually find it easier to conveniently drop their commitment to lead and protect them. With the pattern of things progressing along this line, marriages will soon be incapable of reflecting the Lord’s will for man and woman, as they would soon be mirroring the world’s values and customs instead of the God’s. Homes that are not found on God’s order of things are excellent soil for the devil to sow his seeds to destroy and kill the glory and joy destined for godly marriages.
Adultery
We get notions and perceptions to our feelings and actions from the environment we are in. Our surroundings have a bearing on what we do, say or think. Right now, we live in an environment where monogamy is no longer as much emphasised and practised as it used to be. On the contrary, people are moving away from faithfulness to one partner to engaging in relationships with other parties out of the marriage. Generally, the moral standards of society have been eroded and diluted.
Nowadays, with cybersex made readily available to the public, people’s minds are further degenerated in the pressures of immorality. It takes more grace and diligence than to resist environmental pressures that come on every side. We cannot avoid them, but we can certainly reject them. Magazines, films and other forms of media communications have the power to captivate the minds of the people and make them acutely conscious of their unmet desires and sexual potential. After some personal reflection, many have found that they have been previously pressured into believing the notion that there can be no personal fulfilment for someone without sexual satisfaction. Marriages not soundly founded but that are rooted in erotic notions of love and desire cannot withstand the trials of times. They tend to drive the partners into looking for love outside of the marriage when the initial waves of passion have been reduced to non-activity.
Where there is non-activity, there will almost always be resentment or anger. Anger is a cold and hard driver. It presses people into whatever words or acts that can distress the person against whom they are upset with. Anger not dealt with can pressure a dissatisfied spouse into having an affair with another person in order to penalise a spouse for his/her shortcomings or inattention. Not everyone may agree with this immediately, since such marital complications like adultery are usually not premeditated. Parties driven by anger are not rational enough to detect such things happening to them. Most of the time, they land up there without themselves intending it.
It is fundamental that all negative feelings and thoughts be expressed and communicated to your spouse honestly and entirely. Even anger, though under control, should be communicated to your spouse so that the other person knows your displeasure. When the scripture tells us to “be angry but not sin” - Eph.4:26, it is warning us not to allow our anger to grow into personal attacks or bitterness. Bitterness is a stubborn root to deal with, since it grows with time so its roots are usually deep and firm. Also, avoid “cold wars” as these often give rise to Satan staging a warfare against our flesh by tempting the ignored partner into adultery.
If our feelings or emotions have been bruised, or our pride injured by the person we love, we should not hesitate to talk about the hurt we are nursing. Honest and true confession of one’s feelings are important. For how else does one address the hurt or grievance of another unless he or she is aware of what it is? Ceaseless nagging and merciless criticism are enemies to love and harmony, and will not serve any constructive purpose to a marriage.
Adultery is a damaging crime. It is so grievous a wrong to be suffered, to the extent that the Bible provides a way out for its victims. Persons who have been made victims of adultery may disengage themselves from their marriage if they want to. Though He is not for the idea of divorce, yet God warrants one in the event of adultery, perhaps on account of the grief caused to the suffering spouse. Notwithstanding, His inclination and preference is always for forgiveness and reconciliation to be attempted before the partners decide on a separation. Adultery is sinful, but it is not an unpardonable sin, nevertheless. The victim of infidelity sometimes develops ugly attitudes of resentment, self-pity, bitterness, revenge, etc. - allowably so; but if there is a desire to salvage the situation and restore the marriage, the hurting party should seek God’s strength to forgive. This is never easy, but it reaps abundant life for the marriage.
Besides committing yourself to love, commit also to forgive when forgiveness is sought. Commitment sustains a marriage and rekindles the flames each time they come close to the wick’s end.
